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7 Things Your Husband Wants to Tell You.

While you may not buy into the idea that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, when it comes to communication, men and women do express themselves in different ways. “For women, the purpose of communication is most often to relate; for men, it’s usually to share information,” says Karen Gail Lewis, EdD, relationship therapist and author of Why Don’t You Understand? So while it may seem to you that he disregards your feelings, he might be wishing like crazy you would just tell him what you want. Read on to learn seven things your husband wants to tell you in order to help bridge the communication gap.

1. A small "thank-you" makes a huge difference.

You might think, “I do plenty around here, so why do I have to say 'thank you' whenever he pitches in?” But he probably doesn't agree: “I’d cook, clean, do the dishes and laundry much more happily if my wife said ‘thank you’ more often,” says James.* Just like you, he needs appreciation and, yes, a little ego-stroking. “Studies have shown that happy couples give compliments often. Offering a simple ‘thank-you’ is an easy way to show appreciation and make him feel significant,” says Todd Creager, licensed marriage therapist and author of The Long, Hot Marriage.

2. I’m more likely to offer you concrete advice than a shoulder to cry on.

When you come home from work and start complaining to your husband about your demanding boss, to him it sounds like you’re asking for help—even if all you want is a sympathetic ear. Dave* encounters this often: “The other day my wife was venting about a problem. Every time I came up with a solution or suggestion she would interrupt and dismiss it. She thinks I’m telling her what to do, or implying that she can’t think of solutions on her own.” Know that when he gives you advice for handling that bad boss or overbearing sister-in-law, “that’s how he shows that he cares,” says Dr. Lewis. Try not to confuse his advice with criticism, but don’t be shy about telling him, “You know, I’ve tried that, too. I think what I really need now is to just vent!”

Get marriage advice from the "other woman."



3. If you want a chore done by a certain day, tell me that.

You asked him four times to fix the wobbly cabinet door to no avail, so your complaints about him not doing it seem justified. “My wife does this all the time. I know I have things on my mental to-do list that she wants me to handle, and I will! But unless she tells me it’s urgent, I’m going to get to it when I can,” says Don.* When he hears you ask for a task or chore to be done, all he’s hearing is that you want it done—not that you want it done based on a time line you've set but haven't shared with him, says Dr. Lewis. “He wishes you knew that he’d be very happy to fix whatever you want fixed, so long as you’re specific: ‘It would be great if you got that cabinet door fixed by the time my parents arrive on Sunday.’”

4. Tell me directly what’s bothering you.

Since human beings lived in caves, men have probably sat around bewildered by their mates’ fluctuating moods, wondering why she won’t just say, “I’m pissed off at you because...” instead of, “I’m fine” through clenched teeth. The thing is, he knows there’s something wrong, thanks to the exaggerated sighing and stomping around. “You may think you’re not communicating, but you are. What you feel is being transmitted,” says Creager, just not in a healthy way. The key is to express it directly––“I’m upset that you came home and went straight to the computer”––rather than being passive-aggressive.

Learn how to move past the same old fights for a happier marriage.



5. Please don’t ask me how you look in that dress.

First of all, there’s no right answer to a question like, “Do these pants make me look fat?” Then there are the times you ask his opinion even though you’ve already made up your mind: “My wife seems to ask things like ‘Should I buy that dress?’ to confirm her choice, not to get my real opinion. And if she asks me how she looks in a dress, I know well enough to say ‘I love it!’ no matter what I really think,” says Alex.* So either don’t ask at all, or be specific, advises Dr. Lewis. “Ask him, ‘Do you think these shoes match this dress?’” And definitely think before you ask things like “Does my butt look big in this skirt?” If you want a blanket “You look great to me all the time, honey!” then you’re fine as long as your husband's willing to play along. But if it’s honesty you’re after, be careful what you wish for.

6. I wish you didn’t think we had to talk all the time to be close.

You both get home from work, or finally get the kids into bed, and then you just sit there watching television. You call this togetherness? The truth is that he does, even if to you, it’s not “being together” unless you’re actively having a conversation. “The silence in the room, and just your presence, feels like closeness to a man,” says Dr. Lewis. “He doesn’t necessarily need, as you might, to be engaged in conversation in order to feel connected to you.” So every now and then, reach out and squeeze his hand, and if you want to talk, say so––but don’t assume that silence equals lack of interest.

Find out 10 things that turn men off.

7. I wish you wanted sex more.

You may be thinking that your hubby always wants sex, but what you don’t understand is that by rejecting him you’re making him wonder what he’s doing wrong. “Many men think, ‘I must not be so good at it,’” says Dr. Lewis. It’s not just about his needs; it’s also about pleasing you. “Both men and women want to feel intimate with each other, and what women need to understand is that men often derive intimacy from sex––whereas oftentimes women need intimacy in order to have sex. So talk about what you both really want, and find compromises that work for you," she adds. And if you are in the mood? Act on it! He'll not only love that you initiated it, but also appreciate feeling desired by you.

Why Do Men Treat Women They Love Bad?

HERE'S WHAT I THINK

Once they have you locked and secured in the relationship sometimes to the point of marriage they decide you have been conquered and nothing extra has to be done to keep you happy….but that does not mean they don’t love you anymore!!

They will ignore you and what you have to say. You are put on a shelf like a trophy out of reach so they can take you off when they feel like it.

But, please do not complain, because if you do they will call you a NAG or a _ _ _ _ _!!

Reality is; all you want is to be loved and treated by him the same way you were when you dated him.

So, what can you do?
He still love you anyway.

Gift ideas for Valentines day

Your valentine day gift to your beloved need not be expensive but it should be straight from the heart.

Romantic dinner

Material Gifts are not the only things you can give, there could be better options. Plan out a special dinner with your sweetheart. It could be a candlelight or an open-air. But it has to be special in someway, otherwise the charm will be lost. If you do not have option of making it special, plan for some sort of surprise that you can give right after the dinner.

Perfume

When you are considering buying perfume it is important you know her favorite one or that you know what scents she prefers. When you are in doubt it is best to buy her a popular brand of perfume .

Spa gifts

Show her that you’re looking out for her by giving her a treatment package from a local spa, or get one for the two of you to experience together. Either way, you’ll make her feel fresh and sexy— this gift is straight from the heart.

Flowers

Sending flowers is certainly one of the most special ways to brighten up someone’s day and if it is Valentines Day it doubles up the joy. Different flowers convey different meanings and messages. This makes the exchange of flowers more romantic and meaningful. Flowers have the power to convey what can’t be explained by words. So choose the one, which expresses your love.

Jewelry

This gift can be bought on a budget or you can make it very expensive. Most women don’t expect you to spend a large amount for a Valentine’s Day gift. A necklace or earrings with her birth day stone or name can be found in a price for every budget. You may want to consider a locket of you both in it?

Box of chocolate and sweets

Giving a chocolate gift is an expression of love that will surely melt your lovers heart. For valentines day chocolates come in wonderful shapes and packing. For an eye catching look, chocolates come in many interesting shapes like heart, star, cupid and many more. They are also placed in decorated baskets accented with ribbons and shimmering paper along other items like teddy bears and cards’ heart shape chocolate gift box when received at doorsteps will definitely leave her speechless.

there are many others. think of yours:
yours
valtens

10 bad reasons to quit your job

Everyone dreams of it from time to time – the winning lottery ticket, a cascade of champagne, a rather curt letter of resignation and that expression on your boss's face. Is it envy, anger, disappointment or fear? Or all four?
Right, it's time to climb down from cloud nine. Here you are still sitting at your desk, the neon light is flickering, the photocopier is groaning and the phone is ringing non-stop. The secretary still reminds you of a haddock and your boss's nervous twitch is going at full tilt.
And yet you dream of freedom. The open road, wind in your hair and nowhere you should be before nightfall. But before you write that letter of resignation, make sure that you are not quitting your job for the wrong reasons.

Get-rich-quick schemes.
If 'Earning R10 000 per month in the comfort of your own home' sounds too good to be true, it is precisely because it is. If this were really true, why isn't everyone doing it? Pyramid schemes, multi-level marketing schemes – call them what you will, but the bottom line is, very few people actually make money from these. Yes, there are some that do, but those are usually the people who start it off, not the ones who come in at the end. Proceed with great caution and keep what you have.

Transport problems.
If the hour you spend in the traffic is getting to you, don't consider chucking it in entirely. Work around it creatively. Try and change your working hours, so you can miss the traffic both ways. Or if you can't, get books on tape to listen to in the traffic. If public transport is proving to be a trial, join a lift club. Make a plan, because it is easier to sort this out, than it is to get another job.

Salary woes.
If you feel you are not earning enough, you might very well be right. But before you type your resignation letter, just find out what others are earning in the industry – you might get an unpleasant surprise if you leave without checking on this. Discuss your salary package with the powers-that-be – remember if you just keep quiet, people will assume you are satisfied.

Buckling under the workload.
If you have too much to do, it is possibly because you have not learnt to say no. By all means work as hard as you can, but don't allow yourself to be abused. If you are finding yourself putting in many extra hours, something is wrong. Discuss your workload with your boss. Changing jobs may not sort out the problem of overload – it might be part of who you are.

Personality clashes.
This is a difficult one. Having to spend eight hours a day with someone whose very existence offends your moral principles could be very trying indeed. Chances are you are not the only who feels this way. If this person's staggering array of personality disorders gets in the way of general production, he/she won't last long anyway. If this person is the boss, see if it is possible to minimise contact. If not, either look for another job or find a way to switch off. Just don't let them get to you and don't take their mood swings personally. What helps is to imagine that there is a high, solid wall between you with barbed wire on top.

Other possible job prospects.
Never leave your current job for the mere possibility of another one. In fact, you should not resign unless you have a letter of appointment in your hand. You don't want to be in the situation where you've left one job and the other one peters out and leaves you high and dry.

Following a lover around.
Make sure how serious this relationship is before you up and follow someone else around the country. You might resign, pack up all your stuff, arrive in Durban, only to find out that the other person saw you as a holiday fling – nothing more.

Resigning out of spite.
This is tempting, especially if you have been very unhappy. You don't have a contract, even though you've been asking for one for more than a year, and two days before the financial yearend, you walk out. Problem is, if you are looking for a new job, they are going to phone your old employer – and imagine what sort of recommendation they're going to give you.

Starting a new business.
This can work, but only if you know what you're doing and are prepared to put in long, hard hours. Face it, if you've been a teacher for 17 years, you know lots of things, but how to run a hamburger franchise may not be one of them. Do some courses, or get a partner with experience. Don't learn the hard way.

Bored to tears.
Jobs are often boring. That's why they're called jobs, not entertainment. Other people are prepared to pay you to do something, which they don't feel like doing or don't have the time or the inclination to do. If a job were all fun and games, you would be paying your employer, not the other way around. If there's no work, though, this could be soul destroying. Having nothing to do makes the average working day feel about 400 years long.

10 Good reasons to quit your job

Most people dream of it – the millions in the bank and the farewell party. You never have to sign in again, never have to deal with your boss's personality disorder or go to work even though you are as sick as a dog.
There are some bad reasons to quit your job, but then there are also the good ones.

Bigger and better.
If you've been made an offer you cannot resist, for more money and better working conditions, write that resignation letter. But not before you've checked the legitimacy of the new company. The last thing you want is to have the new job offer disappear into thin air after you've resigned your existing job.

Your spouse is moving.
Your spouse has been offered a wonderful job in another city. And you don't fancy staying where you are and becoming a single parent. Uprooting the family is a traumatic thing, so the job better be worth it.

Overworked and underpaid.
You actually feel ashamed of what you're earning and you would rather die than tell anyone exactly how little it is. But the company you're working for thinks it's quite reasonable, which goes a long way to explain their enormous staff turnover. You work hard to earn a decent living. If you're not being paid what you are worth to the company, it's time to find another company who will do so.

You want to see the world.
If you can take a year or two off and travel, do it, before you have other responsibilities that tie you to the homefront. While you are still young, it's still fun to sleep under bridges in Milan, in a station in Barcelona, to pick grapes in the south of France and to go to Portugal for the weekend with the interesting Swedish stranger you met on the plane. Do it while you can – you can restart your career when you get back at the age of 24.

You have won the lottery.
Right, so you don't need the money anymore. But before you write that resignation letter, just be practical and think about what you're going to do all day. Fine, if you've always wanted to be a volunteer for the hospice or the Animal Rescue Organisation, now's your chance. But if you have no interests or hobbies that will fill your time, maybe you should consider staying on – maybe even in a part-time capacity.

Ethical reasons.
You have become aware of the fact that your company is not being run along very ethical lines. Your boss is bumping up budgets/quotes/accounts and you just don't want to be associated with it. Just make sure you have something else in the pipeline before you hit the road.

The pitter-patter of little feet.
So you've done the career thing for a decade, and now you want to do the parenting thing for at least a couple of years. If you can afford it, that's wonderful. Enjoy it, and don't let anyone make you feel that your choice is unwise. What might be unwise, though, is to not keep up with developments in your field while you're at home with kids. Keep your hand in by doing a bit of freelancing.

Psycho boss.
Right, many bosses leave a lot to be desired – let's face it, it's very seldom someone's people skills that have got them into management positions. But if your boss complains that the date of your sister's funeral is inconvenient to him/her, or regularly gives his only his favourites on the staff little presents, like chocolates, or bullies the staff to the point of distraction, it's time to go. Nothing you do is going to improve the situation – only years of therapy will have any effect on a personality disorder. Make plans to go. You deserve better. However, if this is the seventh boss in a row you think is crazy, it might be time to look a little closer at yourself.

Sinking ship.
If the company has been retrenching left right and centre for the last few years, it may be on the way to closing its doors for ever. If you suddenly find your duties extended to also wash the cups as well as look after accounts, it may be time to go. The ship you're on is sinking – go while they can still pay out your pension.

Career change.
If you've always wanted to be a DJ, instead of the computer programmer you've been for the last decade, and an opportunity suddenly arises to follow your dream, take it. You will always be able to find another programming job, but the DJ job may only come round once in a lifetime. You don't want to wonder for the rest of your life what it would have been like if you'd taken it.

Promotion bypass.
You work hard, and in fact you do more than your share, but you've been passed over for promotion several times. When this happens, your career is taking a backslide – it's not a career anymore, it's become a job. It may be through no fault of your own, but the bottom line is that you are not going to get to the top where you are. It's time to look out for something that will be more advantageous to you in the long run.

The company's moving.
You and your family have been very happy in the city where you've been for the last five years, but now the company's relocating to the same town where your in-laws are staying. It's the last place you want to be. Stay on where you are and look for another job.

(Thanks to Susan Erasmus)